I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
