i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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