HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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