I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
