honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
