Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
