This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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