I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
