You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
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