On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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