$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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