So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
