I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
