i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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