How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
