i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
