fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
