you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
