I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
