just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
