Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
