Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
