Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
