Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
