you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
COCAINE IS GR8
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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