the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
