i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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