If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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