Betty ford says i'm here all night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
where are my pants?
in the oven.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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