What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
