So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
