genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
