who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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