i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
