Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
