I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
