Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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