but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
