Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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