the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
