he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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