whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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