Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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