and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
