Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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