i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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