butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
