It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
