I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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