Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
