I wish I could punch you in the face.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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