i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
