I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
