I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
