Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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