When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I skipped work to stalk him.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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