I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
