I just pynch a tree in the face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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