If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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