idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
