Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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