I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize