if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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