i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dicks are not precious.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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