No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize