i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
