Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
